Becoming someone.

  

                                                    untitled. oil on canvas, 100x100cm

Burning the bank. oil on canvas. 100x100cm

In the beginning there was the painting without a particular direction, which then recalled the burning of the bank and hedgerow by a local farmer. Then came the conflict between the connection and its depiction and the painting. I had to keep pulling the painting back to itself but there were fields, hedges,  spaces, events all crowding in and requiring some sort of resolution. So what I have, after many revisions, is an uneasy alliance. Of course ,once given a title - Burning the bank - the painting will be read in that context and subordinated to the title whilst what I want is for the painting to be foremost.

I think of my painting as an unfolding story of who I am becoming and if history and painting can be likened at all to each other in that they can be said to be stories told by the victor then I have surprised myself by becoming something that I did not imagine, both victor and vanquished.

One of the reasons for returning to the self portrait is that the subject is always changing and so is the way that the paint is used. The material and its application are a source of fascination the exploration of which keeps me coming back. Coupled with the hourly, daily changes in my appearance , the constant shifting of my reflected image, my shifts in temperament and differing qualities of light, the whole enterprise is compelling. Also, as Stella Duffy says, it is not just the subject that gives significance to the portrait but what the artist includes and chooses to exclude.